Your Kids Take Their Cues From You

What you normalize becomes their baseline.

Your kids don’t learn how to navigate life by what you say - they learn by what they see. They study your patterns. Your silence. Your stress. Your joy. Your boundaries - or lack thereof.

They pick up on everything.

They are watching:

• What you do and don’t allow in your life

• The way you face your fears - or avoid them

• The choices you make and what you ignore

• How you react when you're triggered

• The way you solve problems… or don’t

• How you speak to yourself and others

• Your energy, your presence and your vibe

• Your mindset, motivations and follow through

• The love you give - and the love you withhold

• The drama you give, receive and partake in

The things you accept - you project, and subject your children to

I See A Lot of Four Things:

ONE: Staying With a Partner Who Mistreats You

Some people stay in relationships where they’re being treated horribly - because they don’t believe they can make it on their own. And while that fear may be valid and deeply human, what you’re teaching your children is that this is what love looks like. You're showing them that abuse is normal. That tolerance is strength. That suffering is just part of the package. and they’ll either believe you and end up in a similar situation - or resent you for tolerating it.

- The flip side of this is you are the abuser, teaching abuse.. (verbal, mental, physical).. and they will grow up implementing what they were taught

Hurt people, hurt people - regardless the side of the coin they reside.

TWO: Staying Together “For the Kids”

I see it all the time: couples who "stay together for the children", waiting until graduation to divorce. Thinking they’re protecting their children, when in reality - they’re teaching them that joy, peace, self-love, and soul nourishment are optional. You’re teaching them that appearance is more important than alignment. That playing it safe - even if it means being deeply unhappy - is better than risking the unknown. That love isn’t a necessity… it’s just a bonus.

That lesson doesn’t serve them - it binds them to cycles of silent suffering.

THREE: Choosing Comfort Over Truth

Some people stay in long-term, loveless relationships solely due to time invested, entangled finances, fear of judgment, fear of loneliness, or various other reasons that ultimately are far less important than what they stand to gain. They take the next logical step per society - a wedding, a baby - hoping it’ll fix things or breathe new life into the relationship. But decisions made from fear rarely leads to peace. Your children feel that disconnection. They know when the house feels cold. And so do your friends, your coworkers, your family - everyone can sense the absence of joy.

..and that comfort you're choosing isn't really comfort, it's the four walls of the self-inflicted cage you've simply become accustomed to.

FOUR: Using Kids as Weapons After Separation

When it all falls apart and the breakup finally happens - a lot of the time it was long after things were over, and it gets ugly. Some parents turn to weaponizing the children:

• Withholding time

• Using child support as leverage

• Bad-mouthing the other parent

• Turning it into a loyalty war

But unless there's actual abuse involved - your child has nothing to do with your drama.

They are not your messenger. They are not your emotional crutch. They should not have to choose sides. They should be able to freely love both of their parents. Kids need peace - not guilt trips and manipulation.

This Isn’t Just About You

These patterns create emotionally unstable environments. Children raised in homes lacking love, compassion, and emotional safety often grow up to be emotionally reactive, manipulative, anxious, or shut down. They act out at school. Struggle in friendships. Sabotage their own relationships. And the heartbreaking part? When they do act out, releasing suppressed emotions they are unable to express at home - instead of asking what’s wrong, or investigating the cause to help them.. many parents just punish the behavior - which only deepens the cycle.

So maybe take a moment.

Pause - Breathe

Look at your life honestly, maybe from the perspective of someone else.. Zoom out and see things from a real POV.

Ask yourself: Am I showing my kids what love and respect really look like - or just what I’ve been surviving through?

Stop being afraid to change your life.

✨ Heal

✨ Grow

✨ Expand

✨ Break the cycle

Make moves in the direction of your joy - because it’s not just about your joy…

It’s about theirs, too.

If any part of this resonated with you, if you've been noticing patterns in yourself that are no longer in alignment with who you want to be.. If you're feeling the pull to make some changes but aren't sure where to start - know that healing is possible. You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t even have to know where to begin. If you're ready to feel different, live differently, or create something new in your life - I’m here to help support your next step - wherever you are in the process.

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